I am posting this blog in memory of my dogs.
Spotty, my first baby boy who was hit by a car and died
Toni, gone without saying goodbye
Maya and Luna, both passed away in my arms.
Among the cruelest truth of life is this: A dog’s life is shorter than a human’s life. That’s a given fact.
This sad reality is unforgiving; if you love a dog, you will lose a dog, and you will suffer the pain that death brings — probably several times over.
I remember exactly when Maya died last year 27th of October. I became invisible.
I am not a good enough writer to describe the pain me and sister went through when Maya died. The loss was so heavy. So heavy that we just looked into each other without saying a word and just cried and cried.
Those of you who’ve been through this understand; those of you who haven’t, I pray that you will never get to experience it.
The grief of losing Maya was complicated. I became invisible because I never felt that pain before. Crazy might its sound and though I never had a child but it feels like losing one. I admit, at first I was in denial that she was going to die that morning. She was laying in our living room and I kept on talking to her. “Maya,mai… ayaw sa mai please.. naa raman mi.. kaon na mai.inom sa.. tulog sa kadyot mai. ayaw sa biya-i imong mga anak sa mai-ha.”
Few hours has gone by, she was already suffering and having seizures, she can’t even walk. So I decided to just put her in the pillow and lay beside her. I was praying and praying for a miracle. I was praying so hard .I was praying with her, for her and then in a spur of moment.Maya gave me a brief glance, like she was telling me “Goodbye.Mama.Thank you” Sorry I cannot stay longer. I will miss you Mama” I will see you in heaven Mama. Please take care of my daughters. I love you Mama. Please don’t forget me Mama”
That moment… that very swift moment. I knew it’s time to say goodbye. I carried her for one last time and whispered to her.
“Go rest now baby girl”.
Thank you for the unconditional love mai. Saying goodbye to you is probably the one of hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. As much as I’d kill to have you back, I know that’s not possible.God gave you to us to teach us how to love even more.Please Maya-mai, don’t worry about us, all that matters to us is that you’re happy and pain-free. You are forever in my thoughts. Every night before bed, I will always say a prayer for you and will miss you always. Although you’re no longer with us physically, you are always be in my heart.
That sadness grew even deeper as I realized that she was completely gone in my life. No more Maya that would eat anything and everything with me.No more Maya that would chose to sleep with me in my room than to be with the other dogs. That silent Maya, my very obedient Maya, my very strong Maya… My Maya already left me. My Maya is gone.
Her death changed me. Her death broke my heart. When she passed away suddenly, I felt like I disappeared too in a very brief moment.
-To be continued-
Things Your Dog Would Tell You
I read this list in Facebook. It is so simple and moving that I felt compelled to share it here. I invite you to share your thoughts below.
1. My life is likely to last ten to fifteen years. Any separation from you will be painful: remember that before you get me.
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
3. Place your trust in me—it is crucial to my wellbeing.
4. Do not be angry at me for long, and do not lock me up as punishment.
5. You have your work, your entertainment, and your friends. I only have you.
6. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don’t understand your words, I understand your voice.
7. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget.
8. Remember before you hit me that I have sharp teeth that could easily hurt you, but I choose not to bite you because I love you.
9. Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I might not be getting the right food, or I have been out too long, or my heart is getting too old and weak.
10. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old. Accompany me on difficult journeys. Never say: “I cannot bear to watch” or “Let it happen in my absence.” Everything is easier for me if you are there—even my death.
To my babies in heaven
Remember that I love you and Mama misses you all so much.
Until we meet again