(This post is inspired by a friend of mine who is currently working in Ras Al Khaima, U.A.E, who happened to have her heart tethered in the palm of the hands of this legal beagle)
Unaware or not we all have a narrative of ourselves that we seldom pitch up to anyone or into someone else’s because we must admit that most of us have this level of vulnerability that tend to increase gradually, that we cannot just resist but to let it out. I myself, shared the same sentiment. I like learning about myself every single day but learning from the life of others is another story.
Last week as I sat alone in this same table, me and a friend of mine who I don’t really talk much often started to talk as if we know each other for a very long time. We exchanged stories about the last time we each cried, and confessed the one thing we’d like to ask a fortuneteller… From exchanging the details of our short lives to the present situation of our hearts (mostly hers since my heart right now is like an empty bar waiting to be filled. LoL). We had this conversation that immediately accelerated into a friendly intimacy. To be honest, I didn’t notice we had entered that territory until we were already there, a very deep conversation, a process that typically take weeks or months.
Anyway, this is her narrative.
Life is happening to her right now, she have her dreams right in front of her. She maybe far from her family but she is living a life maybe “not perfect” but with diction and passion. Not perfect because she is still in this certain point of her life where her higher self still craves for this one specific experience, this journey that most us wants to wake up to every morning, that desire in our lives that every women had dreamed of.. Which is all about finding everything we want within us rather than without. Having that something that is missing. Being with someone we prayed for. That blank corner in our hearts waiting to be filled!!
Last 2013 she shared her heart in a way she never could have imagined doing. She confessed her affection to someone who isn’t sure of the feeling the same way she did for him. She avoided this for a long time. She was afraid of feeling rejected that she pushed her feelings for almost two years. For two years that legal beagle showed her possibilities that maybe “they” could happen. That maybe timing wasn’t there yet, maybe both of them has yet to break the walls within their selves, maybe HE has still another priorities, maybe HE was still unconscious of his feelings for her?
All of that plus the idea of being hopeful triggers her to hold on and create castles in the air. She seeks reasons and even creates some for herself in order for her desires to be finally buoyant.
But I asked myself last weekend en route to Los Angeles when is enough really an enough? When will be that pipe dream be really a fool’s paradise? How long will she endure the tiny feather of expectations that keeps her going on? When will she draw the final the straw? When will she finally realize that the entire situation is there for her look and realize the fear of rejection in the eyes and learn to herself through it?
I paused for a moment, aware of the commotions around me and then suddenly I begin to pierce the idea that it is our nature to seek approval and validation from everything outside of us. We wanted to feel loved. We longed for that feeling and sometimes wonder how the world could be so cruel in rejecting us. And when rejected we say words such as “I‘ll never be good enough,” or “I‘ll never be chosen,” or “I‘ll never get what I want because there is something wrong with me.
I have learned since then….. That experiences and some people that cross our path is a mirror. God allows those to our lives to show us something—to teach us how to be more of who we truly are.
Tragedies are there for us to finally understand that this life is happening. It is part of it.
Rejection in the external world is a proof that there is still a battle within us, there are still places within ourselves where “I am rejecting me” still on progress. This means that we are still vibrating on the same idea as rejection. As long as we reject our own, we will continue to solicit people and draw situations that reject us.
If we are aware of this, we can use experiences as a chance to tear down the fear that detain us from fully giving and receiving our own love and love from other people.
It is our choice to fully sink into the truth and surrender everything to GOD. To be available in pain and detach from it. And then use it as a tool for healing.
To my friend, I know you are reading this I hope after this you can finally live your life consciously and authentically. I pray that eventually you can use this experience to your benefit. I pray that sooner you can locate all the barriers that keeps you from the love and joy you deserve.
You are worth it. Beyond worth it. The fear of rejection and losing him is the wall you need to break. Going through it may take some time but all of it are there to heal the wounds so you can be free because believe me learning to love oneself more goes hand in hand with respect. You got this!
Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her.
Believe that……. and know that GOD is faithful and He will fulfill what he has promised to us, it may not look like that it does but just trust that if we follow HIM in obedience GOD will direct our path.
With Faith and through love. Let us live what is given to us and savor every inch of it.
To change within is to change without. Much love and Blessings to all
To God always be the Glory.