When my dogs died I disappeared too ….. (continued)

In the memory of our dogs Spotty,Toni,Maya,Luna and Pacman

I am writing this post with a heavy heart.

January 17,2015,our youngest baby girl luna died.She had a brain disease and had seizures. Having spent a very painful uncomfortable days Luna went from the sweetest to being restless. Shrieking and screeching in our house At the first few hours I was in denial. I thought she was just super hyper but as the sun sets, the fear of losing another pet kicked in. That night I saw that its getting worst and worst. by that time I started consoling her,my heart started to cry and bled because I know prolonging her life would make her suffer more.So I talked to her for one last time. I carried and told her “Lun,tulog nalang lun.Kabaw ko gikapoy naka.Tulog na lun ha. Pahuway na lun. Magkuyog namo ni maya og ni toni. i love you lun. Salamat sa  love nimo luna lun. Bantayi imo mga igsoon ha. Bantayi mi ha.. love u lun. I will see you again.”

After that luna had a final seizures so I put her in a foam bed so that she would not hit her head. It was painful hearing her in pain,seeing her struggling for that one final breath.It was painful looking at her and saying her goodbye. It was so painful seeing her in my arms.It was just so hard that I asked the Lord to help me coped up since Maya just died 3 months ago . As shaken and sad  and broken-heated as I was, I consoled myself with the fact she had a wonderful, journey with us and I know now luna is watching over me and family

And today  24th of April 2015,I never thought that pain of losing another would come so sooner. Our cherished and adored Pacman,left this earth,Pacman left us and I wasn’t there to comfort him and my sister. For almost 8 years, he was with us. We didn’t see it coming.Him deteriorating was almost impossible because he was the runner of the family. He was so strong and the Alpha dog.As my sister always said he was very loyal and faithful to us and to his siblings and children. But today death took him and  I wasn’t ready. How I wish I was there because right now I feel so helpless. I just spent half of day crying and reminiscing the memories I have with him.

I know Pacman’s life did not go in vain though It will take time to accept and heal, I have faith that God will help me and my family to let go of our mighty dog, who had been so good to us.

The pain is still sharp and raw. I swear I could still feel the warmth of my dogs. I could hear all barks in my mind. I saw wisps of Pacman turning a corner. I still feel my dogs presence constantly and longed to touch them one last time. Me and my sister had taken lots of pictures also took videos  of them that everytime I looked at them it always brings back the good times as well as the pain
People said, “It’s only a dog.” Well, we lost our youngest sibling and our children. We lost our bestfriend,a companion,a roommate,we lost piece of our hearts, we lost a family.It is something only people who love dogs can understand. There is huge  difference between understanding and feeling the pain because  After awhile, I had to find other “pet” people, who understood, with whom I could wail. I just needed to talk about my dog. Someone who could relate to me (like my sister) which I can do mostly without or with tears, and as regale each other with stories.happy or sad stories.

Animals teach us many lessons. Their deaths gave us some perspective on the fretting we all do about our shapes. I have realized that the body is only a shell, a container for the soul. If you’ve ever seen a dead body of any kind, you know it is empty without spirit. Losing an animal makes you spiritual in a hurry. That shift is a great example of pain causing growth. That’s why pain is a gift. Our animals continue to give to us even as they cease to live.Loving a dog as a part of our own made me my and family enriched a level of care immeasurably.

In the book, Animals: Our Return to Wholeness, by Smith she wrote

Loss is the tearing from that which you are so in love. Staying in the loss is hell. Coming through the pain brings a compassion so deep and rapture so ardent, you know it can only be won by the contrast–going through the depths to feel the heights.

I know as I going forward, the stabs of grief and their forcefulness will be there for days,weeks and even several months later. But as they come less and less frequently, I know I will begin to heal.


The Path to Healing 

The importance of accepting your grieving feelings. “Don’t try to rush the process. Don’t deny your feelings. Don’t minimize them. Love is love. Grief is grief.” No matter for whom it is felt. I know from experience that it’s not healthy to let the grief accumulate inside you. It will find a way out in the form of physical aches or illnesses if left unexpressed.

“Animals are spiritual beings. They love to communicate; most communications reveal their joy, love of life, patience, and generally refreshing perceptions.”

Sit in a quiet place. Visualize your animal. See them as they were in life. Tell them you would like to feel them, to communicate with them. Tell them you are hurting, you are open, and you want to be in touch. You may not feel them right away. There are lots of ways to be contacted. You may be washing dishes later and you’ll know they are right beside you. Or you’ll hear them scratch at the door. If you invite them, they will make their presence felt. Often they visit in dreams, as do living animals, because we are most accessible during those times. When you awake, trust what you get and ask what you are supposed to learn from it.

“Some animals don’t want to be saved. Dying gets complicated for domesticated animals when they or their people do not want to let go of their life together. They may feel obligated to stay in their worn-out or mal-functioning bodies for their people’s sake.” The best treatment is being ready to let go. We grapple today with whether or not to extend human life at all costs. Many people have “Do-Not-Resuscitate” orders for themselves, yet cannot do the same for their animals. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to let them go.

Often a family’s first encounter with death is that of a pet’s. Animals teach us how to deal with life’s passing. I believe my animals died in the order they did to help me manage the grieving process, and I am very grateful to them for their wisdom and sacrifice.

When you felt that you let your dogs down because you weren’t with them at the exact moment they left this world. Don’t be. They understand. Yes they do.

Some people will be ready to get a new animal right away; others may need a lot more recovery time before they are willing to risk their hearts again. Some may feel disloyal for “replacing” the pet that died but again they understand. We all have different ways of coping up.

Part of the inherent contract we make with our animals is that we will take care of them and they will predecease us. Once I experienced the death of my pets, I realized I could survive it. As painful as it was, I knew I could endure it again. That freedom in knowing releases me to welcome new pets and receive all the joy their new lives bring.; “Death is not the end. It is the change from one realm and form of life to another.” Amen.

Luna

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Pacman

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Rest in Peace. Rest now my luna and my pacman.

You will be in our hearts forever. Thank you for the unconditional love and unwavering loyalty to me and to my family.

To my sister ate Rema, I am sorry I am not there to grieve with you.I know you know that my heart will always be there. Be strong ate rema. Pacman wants you be brave and strong as him for sure. I am so proud of you because you are always there for our dogs.You have sacrifices a lot for them and for us. Thank you because you are the one who taught me how love our dogs as our own children. I love you te rema.

Lord thy will be done. Your ways are not our ways. I pray for courage to accept and strength to carry on. Thank you for the healing, for being always our comfort. Thank you Lord. May you always be Glorified

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